It is important to be united

A family does not need to be perfect. It is important to be united—first of all, perfection does not exist.

Where do they get such lines from, and why? Simple: the need to justify a person’s deficiencies or the shortcomings of the family. This is because each member of the family needs independence, not union.

A “united” family often creates dependence between members. And what exactly does that mean? A captive member in a so-called united family ends up being captive in the habits formed by the elderly members—and may even end up unable to adapt to the present.

They don’t have communication skills because they are used to talking only with family members. They do not develop social skills because they feel safer only in the presence of the family.

Therefore, a “united family” is not as healthy as it is believed to be. It prevents development and progress.

Those who are incapable are supported by those who are capable, under the motto that family members help each other. The weak members take advantage of the stronger ones. So you can tell for yourself what kind of people are those who say that a united family is more important.

A family should mean only mother, father, and children—and family dependence must have a limit. Children need independence to learn what independence means, so that when they reach adulthood, they can be masters of themselves, able to make decisions on their own, and not be under the influence of the members of the family.

And another reason why this motto—“a united family is everything”—develops bad habits is this: being dependent on the family prevents emotional and psychological maturity. No woman wants a man who is a “mommy’s boy” or who needs to be raised.

And you should know something else: family doesn’t mean blood relations. Family is made of the people you choose to love and want in your life.

That is because some family members can be very toxic. Family is who we choose to have in our lives.

Psychologists such as Murray Bowen have long emphasized the importance of differentiation of self within family systems—that is, the ability to maintain one's own identity while remaining emotionally connected to others. Over-dependence within families is known to stunt emotional development, while autonomy is associated with better coping, resilience, and adult functioning. Similarly, studies in developmental psychology highlight that secure independence in childhood leads to higher self-efficacy and healthier adult relationships.