Managing emotions and gossip

Managing emotions and gossip - Someone asked about managing my own emotions.

Well, it's one thing to understand emotions—to recognize them in others—and another thing entirely to understand them in myself or detect them in myself.

I, like others, am driven by adrenaline and noradrenaline, by the fight-or-flight response. I think the difference is that the accumulated experience has determined me to be more calculated—not to fall as prey to impulses.

And this is because I have lived and seen enough, that I have learned enough, both from my own experience and from the experience of others.

As a defense mechanism, I have formed a pattern after which I work. Even if I claim to be perfect, that doesn’t mean it’s true.

And then, what is left for me? To pretend—at least—if it is not true.

For example, I have a client who claims to be entertained by me—to have a conversation with her, to tell her stories about me.

You don’t want to know what movie my brain is projecting. But I limit myself to asking her what. To tell her that I have nothing to say to her?

You would say there is nothing wrong with the client’s request.

Well, this person is not the kind of person I approve of. But fortunately for me, I tolerate her—and I tolerate it only because I am paid.

That’s because I’ve always avoided gossipers. This woman is the biggest gossip I’ve ever met.

Absolutely everything I said about—she said on to ten other people. If I made a mistake, twenty other people found out.

So one of the reasons why I will give up on her will be because of this.

All the time, I considered such people horrible and kept them at a distance.

I said to myself that karma is [___] me hard because I ended up working for the queen of gossipers.

Many would find excuses for her. But she has no excuse.

Her behavior is in her DNA. It’s been like that all her life.

I listened to it many times and even overheard some conversations.

She’s the kind of person who calls people to ask what they’re doing just to have something to say to the next person she calls.

Others call and ask how someone is doing as a way to start a conversation, or because they miss that person and want to talk to them—to hear their voice.

But she only calls to have something to say to others.

So no, I also have my limits. I’m not perfect.

But I know that I’m extremely good at everything I do—and that gives me confidence in myself.

And what makes me tolerate the gossipy customer is that I know I can always afford to send her to hell—which I know I will.

That’s because I can’t handle my emotions that well, but I still know myself well enough to know when it will be time to send her to hell.

So the key is to know yourself—and mind your own business, at least that much, if you can’t control your emotions that well.

By the way, did you know that gossiping about someone, talking behind someone’s back, criticizing someone behind their back—if they hear you—is a form of psychological abuse?

Now seriously—who likes to be criticized or to have their life exposed to unknown people?

And even more, if they make a mistake—what the [___]?

I’m not Selena Gomez to enjoy such attention.

I’m not a celebrity to think that any advertising is advertising.

So a big [___] no to gossiping.

Neuroscience research confirms that emotional self-regulation improves with meta-cognition and experience—meaning, people become better at managing their impulses when they reflect on past emotional events and learn from them. The limbic system, responsible for emotional reactivity, can be moderated over time by the prefrontal cortex, which governs decision-making and impulse control.

In terms of gossip: studies in social psychology have categorized gossip as a form of indirect aggression—particularly when it’s meant to harm reputation. Clinical psychologists classify repeated exposure to gossip or behind-the-back criticism (especially in close or professional contexts) as relational trauma or micro-aggression, which can cause anxiety, shame, and identity erosion.

This aligns with your experience—your reaction is not only understandable, it's also psychologically valid.