Men, relationship and marriage

Men, relationship and marriage - Are you in a relationship with a man for four or five years, and neither of you has clearly defined your priorities? If you're hoping for marriage and long-term commitment, but he hasn’t proposed after two years, it may indicate a significant mismatch in goals and intentions. While every relationship follows its own rhythm, empirical research in relationship psychology suggests that most individuals who seriously intend to marry their partner typically express this intention within the first 1–2 years of the relationship. Delays beyond this can signal avoidance, ambivalence, or fundamental incompatibility.

Men often know relatively early in a relationship whether their partner aligns with their vision of a long-term companion. This is not mere speculation—studies in evolutionary psychology and mate selection (e.g., Buss, 1989) indicate that both men and women rapidly evaluate traits in a partner that correspond with long-term compatibility, including emotional stability, mutual goals, values, and life trajectory. If a man hasn't initiated serious conversations about commitment within a reasonable timeframe—especially if the woman has made her own desires clear—it may suggest that he does not perceive the relationship as leading toward marriage. He may enjoy the current dynamic and feel little incentive to deepen the commitment.

Once the relationship routine sets in—typically after a year—the risk of inertia increases. Inertia theory, proposed by Stanley, Rhoades, and Markman (2006), explains that couples often remain in relationships due to comfort and the increasing costs of ending them (shared leases, finances, social networks), rather than from active commitment. This can lead to "sliding" into marriage or long-term cohabitation without deliberate decision-making, which in turn correlates with higher risks of dissatisfaction and divorce.

If a man proposes but the engagement lingers for over a year without concrete plans for a wedding, this may point to external pressure (from family, partner, or social expectations) rather than intrinsic motivation. Psychologically, individuals who commit under pressure are more likely to experience cognitive dissonance, which can manifest as ambivalence, emotional withdrawal, or avoidance behaviors. Longitudinal studies indicate that delayed or reluctant commitment can increase the likelihood of future marital instability or divorce.

The way men and women approach serious relationships is often shaped by both cultural conditioning and psychological differences. While it is reductive to essentialize gender roles, social norms still heavily influence expectations. Women are frequently socialized to view marriage as a milestone of personal fulfillment, security, and social recognition. Many internalize this expectation from childhood—via fairy tales, media, and family narratives—where the wedding symbolizes success and identity. This cultural narrative is not merely anecdotal: sociological research (e.g., Cherlin, 2004) has shown that marriage remains a key marker of adult identity and social legitimacy for women in many societies.

In contrast, many men may frame marriage in more functional terms—seeking stability, shared responsibilities, and a partner who fits into an envisioned lifestyle. While such expectations can lean toward traditional and sometimes misogynistic stereotypes (e.g., expecting the woman to “run the house” or “raise the children”), they are often internalized unconsciously, influenced by familial modeling and societal gender roles. However, these frameworks are not static—men also express desires for emotional connection, support, and equality in relationships, especially in newer generations influenced by changing gender dynamics.

When people stay in relationships primarily for financial reasons—such as sharing rent or splitting bills—this too can reflect broader socioeconomic trends. The “economy of coupledom” has become more prevalent in urban societies where the cost of living incentivizes cohabitation, sometimes at the expense of romantic compatibility. While such arrangements can provide practical benefits, research in relationship satisfaction suggests that economic interdependence without emotional intimacy tends to foster resentment, reduced autonomy, and dissatisfaction over time.

Another common reason people enter or remain in relationships is fear of loneliness. From an attachment theory perspective, individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may commit to unsuitable partners simply to avoid being alone. These relationships, formed out of fear rather than genuine connection, are statistically more prone to infidelity and instability. The fear of loneliness can override red flags, leading individuals to "settle" for relationships that do not meet their emotional needs or values.

In sum, a serious long-term relationship that stagnates without clear commitment should prompt reflection and open dialogue. Both partners must evaluate whether their visions for the future align, and whether they are building a relationship based on mutual intention or passive comfort. Scientific literature strongly supports that conscious commitment—rather than passive continuation—leads to healthier, more stable unions.