Suffering #3, Death, and Survivor's Guilt

Suffering, Death, and Survivor's Guilt

Often, when someone loses a loved one through death, they may feel guilty for living. Survivor guilt was first identified during the 1960s. Survivor syndrome, also known as concentration camp syndrome or KZ syndrome (on account of the German term Konzentrationslager), are terms that have been used to describe the reactions and behaviors of people who have survived massive and adverse events, such as the Holocaust or the Rape of Nanjing.

A variant form has been found among rescue and emergency services personnel who blame themselves for doing too little to help those in danger, and among therapists who may feel a form of guilt in the face of their patients' suffering. Well, this guilt is like a self-punishment, which is something wrong.

It's hard to lose someone. The loss of a loved one causes major changes in the life of the survivor—and, of course, a lot of suffering. There are situations when some people desperately try to understand death: why did the loved one die, and why did they, the survivor, stay alive? Why didn’t they die instead of the loved one? Such questions will never receive an answer.

Many people try to offer explanations to comfort the suffering survivor—for example, something like: “That was destiny,” “That’s how it was meant to be,” “That’s what God wanted,” and so on. Such consolations help. But what you need to know about death is the following:

1. Once we are born, one thing is certain—namely, that we will die.

2. Death is part of life. It is the end of life, the last stage.

3. Death is not given to humans to decide who will die and to kill.

Of course, I exclude medical cases in which the medical staff decides on assisted euthanasia or cases of assisted suicide.

When someone dies, many try to understand why and often ask God all kinds of questions, like: “Oh God, why did he die?” Another question to which no one will answer.

There are many who see death as a punishment. Others see it as a liberation—from all the pain the deceased endured, as a freedom. There are cases in which death is not understood, and then God is to blame. Why not, if it offers a consolation to those who remained alive?

But this time, God is not to blame. And that’s because death is not a punishment for the one who dies. Death can be something which happens very fast, very simply, and easily. Some people can die very easily. And in this case, the punishment is not death.

If we are talking about a painful death, that is something completely different—and the pinnacle of irony: after all the pain and suffering comes liberation through death. Yes, God mixes things up.

So, how about we stop blaming God and leave some things as they are—because they are not for us to understand.